a letter to “unborn kin” by George Breed…
How beautiful that he can share his hopes and thoughts with his descendents. I hope to be that succinct someday. My favorite line is the last one.
…is the moment.
I had this realization when I was about 17, looking out the window doing the dishes. When I can really feel the intent of this statement I have been able to release so much of the anxiety that (especially lately) plagues me.
I have used this to guide me the last two days of staying at home with Ben. There is an incredible monotany of staying home with a baby many hours a day. When I overlay my tendency toward perfectionism and doing it all right, with the monotony, it makes me feel like I can’t do ANYTHING, much less anything well.
So, I had much more fun with him, let more things in the house go to hell, and generally had a better day than many I’ve been having lately.
“Since everything is but an apparition,
having nothing to do with good
one may well burst out in laughter.”
the last two days, of PMS, sleepless and newly crawling baby, forgetful but well-meaning 11 year old, and not much else….has made me want to smash things. Why do my spiritual tools fly out the damn window when the going gets rough? I mean, it doesn’t always, just when I seem to be triggered in an instant and have only had 4 hours of sleep!
I am seriously considering doing part time childcare for my littlest one because I just can’t find sanity right now. I feel so guilty about it. I feel like I’m such a loser, like, “women have been doing all this, and MORE, for thousands of years and after 7 1/2 months I can’t take it!”
I also had the though that maybe I don’t feel connected to this community/town because I’m projecting my newly-surfaced feelings about my bio-father onto it? Or, maybe I am a person who just needs a lot of people around them, not the isolation of stay-at-home momhood?
Well, gotta go, baby just took a 24 minute nap – enough time for me to fix my hair, and write this…I should be grateful!!!