From the book The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie:
“Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between”
I don’t generally do well with In Between, because I feel like I need to always be “going SOMEWHERE”. The grass over there is green, and my grass is covered in dog poop. I know, it makes me sound ungrateful, but I’m not. Just over-ambitious.
I don’t know why I doubt the universe when it tells me that I need to wait – to be patient. (patience is NOT one of my virtues, which of course means I need to work on it all the fucking time!) I mean, has the universe ever let me down? no. Then, listen to Ms. Beattie’s words:
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
First tidbit from my Mondo Beyondo Dream Lab excursion. This quote came from a fellow “lab” partner. I was dubious about doing this e-course, having never done one before. As with all of life, it’s what you make it, and I am excited to make it the catalyst that I need.
“…transformations in the heart and mind (in Buddhism the two are not separate) are not a matter of progressing from point to point. They have to do with stopping, with daring to be still and attentive in the present moment. I began to understand how moments of being present can grow by dedicated practice into moments of presence—moments of realizing that who we are in reality is not an isolated individual on an isolated journey but a being who is an inextricable part of a greater whole. And I learned that the more we are able to open to the present moment, the less we are able to rule out, to judge as unspiritual or unbeautiful.”
I have updated this post because the blog that prompted it, no longer exists.
On that blog, my doula, Mani, asked:
Why do I come here?
I come to “Sea Glass and Sand Flies:Sometimes it’s beautiful, sometimes it bites!”, to wade in such beauty and lucidity, depth, truth, and love.
Here, this life? To suck the marrow out. Because my tendency toward negativity and depression is such that I need to keep “coming here”, into the moment. I come to see what it’s all about. To behold beauty, and hopefully ease suffering in some small way. (I would also add, that I come here because I’m curious. Human beings are very very strange, delightful and I’m very curious how things get to be the way they are, and curious about how things change)
What is my next big thing? – I’ve been asking the universe for a sign about that for about 2 years now. I would have to say, at this point, my big thing is to live with authenticity. To seek acceptance of self and others, and learn more about joy. Oh, and to listen better. I wish I had more delicious details, but Universe has decided that concealed for now, is better.
“For whom will you stick around, always and forever?”
I will always be here for my sons and my husband. There are a small handful of others that I’ll be entwined with forever. I will stick around for those that I choose to stick around for. There are many ways of sticking around, and it seems the way I do that with various people changes through time, distance, shared experiences, and impasses that might stay stuck for a while. But, I stick around because I crave connection, I deepen through connection, I stick around because as a human, I was made to be sticky.
“What do you mean when you say, ” I love you”? When I say it with gusto and verve, I mean it the way that some use the word Namaste. The divinity inside me honors and recognizes the divinity within you. I intend to mean it this way all the time.
When it’s 11:30 and I’m crawling into bed, and my husband says, ‘I love you’, and I mumble back, “I love you, too”…it’s got less gusto behind it, but the kernel of intent is still there.
Every single one of us can do things that no one else can do – can love things that no one else can love. We are like violins. We can be used for doorstops, or we can make music. You know what to do. - Barbara Sher
I love so many things that the deluge often overwhelms me and I shut down. I love my husband and my sons. I love the color of paint on my living room walls. I love the coolness of the early autumn morning when I have to shut the window because I’m too cold. I am almost too comfortable. Like a violin swathed in it’s cozy velvet lined case, maybe I’ve become too comfortable with my surroundings. I need change in my life to cause my strings to make music….no music in a vacuum, right?
Part of my cozy velvet case is having incubated Benjamin for the last six months.
We’ve been decidedly unsocial. I see now that his reticence with strangers may have been headed off at the pass if I had gotten him out in the world earlier. Or, maybe not. I don’t feel like I’m the confident mother that I was with baby Sylas so long ago! I second guess everything now, maybe because I see how the choices I made with Sylas affected him and want to make sure that my choices affect Benjamin in a positive way.
So this incubation has also been desensitizing. I feel, but not all of my feelings, and intuit, but not completely. But now, I’m hungering for more. I need to make music and not be a doorstop. Doorstops open the way for others, while making themselves immobile…maybe that’s the gist of the quote above that spoke to me.
My favorite astrologer gave this song to us Geminis for the week. He says “As you face down the dangers of apathy, you could use the shot of courage and audacity they (the band singing) might provide”. Here’s a pic of Rob Brezny – astrologer and spiritual warrior extraordinaire!