“Real power is the ability to be resonant with
the Tao in such a way as to get in sync with
the power that already exists”
From: The Power Path
I know I’m supposed to Chop Wood and Carry Water
Do laundry, meticulously
be in the now
sweep my fucking dusty floors
I just don’t feel like it makes for a real “powerful” day.
Feeding, cleaning, cleaning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, resting – where is the power in that? Where can I let my soul sing through that?
I want bright colors, bold words, interesting thoughts, funny happenings
drudgery gets in the way
my ego wants more excitement
I am isolated here in this house while others “work” – what am I doing, if not working?
I am working on keeping house
which is what this blog is ostensibly about
I am holding on
“Believing that you have all the answers is delusional. Motherhood teaches this well.”
I love Maezen’s take on this whole ‘Tiger Mother’ buzz in the world right now. Essentially she says, “Comparing our kids to one another is the most juvenile thing we grown ups can do.”
I have a huge amount of doubt (as many parents do) that the way I parent is adequate. But adequate for what? and for whom?
I feed, clothe, and water my kids. I feed their curiosity as much as I can. I attempt to instill good habits, kind thinking, and creative hearts. These are generalities, I know, but the details seem to work themselves out each day. For me, parenting happens in the moment. Not so much the times when I think, “I should do use A, B or C method”….but the moment I use A, B or C in my contact with my kids.
How will I know if I’ve parented adequately? That is where I stumble into doubt. Do I really need to wait till one of my sons, in his 30’s, comes home from a counseling session and calls me up to tell me I; a) did something horribly wrong, or b) something great? Or can I trust my feeling in the moment that what I’m doing and how I’m being with them is ok? I don’t expect perfection from them, so why do I try to hold myself to that impossibility?
Here is an excerpt from Time Magazine about the Tiger Mother:
Though Chua was born and raised in the U.S., her invocation of what she describes as traditional “Chinese parenting” has hit hard at a national sore spot: our fears about losing ground to China and other rising powers and about adequately preparing our children to survive in the global economy. Her stories of never accepting a grade lower than an A, of insisting on hours of math and spelling drills and piano and violin practice each day (weekends and vacations included), of not allowing playdates or sleepovers or television or computer games or even school plays, for goodness’ sake, have left many readers outraged but also defensive. The tiger mother’s cubs are being raised to rule the world, the book clearly implies, while the offspring of “weak-willed,” “indulgent” Westerners are growing up ill equipped to compete in a fierce global marketplace.
Competing in a Global Marketplace. While I know that is a part of human reality right now, I do believe, where a person is, at any moment, is more important than a global anything. I want my children to compete in the moment of where they are, to have tools available to them that will allow their heart and heads to think and feel clearly and to make decisions based on love, creativity and frankly, spunk….you know, that spark of curiosity that fuels inventors, musicians, artists, and the like. To foster that spark even in the face of an impending takeover by China, is where I want to parent from. Love triumphs always, this I know. So I say, love your kids, however you do it, and make sure you show that you love them. What else is there?
…from this MondoBeyondo Dream Lab course with special guest, Brene Brown, Author of “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are – Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life”. She’s a Shame Researcher…
A story now, about my own shame:
I got very hurried this morning trying to make it out the door to the gym with my 9 mo old baby in tow (it was only the 3rd time in 9 months that i’ve tried to get to the gym and I was frazzled and unorganized)
…and, I yelled at him – for touching my hat….
– the look on his face, his curled bottom lip, my shame at my own impatience, my lack of self discipline. I didn’t want him to mess up my hair by pulling my hat off, because, you know, it would make me look MORE like the fat, frumpy housewife that I feel like. I was ashamed of me. His touching my hat might have made me more ashamed, so I lashed out in anger. I instantly regressed into previously felt emotions where I felt “not good enough”, and certainly not perfect.
Brene Brown poses this question in response to the shooting in Tucson recently. Here on her blog
Due to Ben’s sleep issues, we have had the opportunity over the last few days to work with a Sleep-Coach-in-Training. We are so lucky!!!
Through this process I have learned about the cortisol response in babies. If they don’t get enough sleep, they don’t sleep well, no matter what. That cortisol floats around their bodies and they just don’t sleep because of it. I find it ironic and synchronistic that I am the one that needs to teach my child about how to lower or not increase his cortisol and anxiety levels. God’s a trickster for sure!
Reflecting on my life, I see how my own patterns with cortisol, and all the other anxiety hormones have made me a perfect example of what NOT to do. Many of my jobs have stressed me out to the point that I quit them, to get out of my anxiety cycle, rather than learn how to manage the stress. I HAVE ACTUALLY QUIT JOBS, AND MOVED RATHER THAN LEARN HOW TO MANAGE MY STRESS! And now, I have the opportunity to teach my son, and help him start learning how to manage his own stress and anxiety. They say, we teach what we most need to learn. I say, shit! I guess so….
Do I have the courage to be the adult my children need me to be? Yes. I am committed to learning a better way. I am committed to teaching my children a better way. I’ll do the best I can. This is a job I can’t quit.
If one advances confidently in the direction of her dreams,
and endeavors to live the life which she has imagined,
she will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
She will put some things behind her, will pass an invisible boundary;
new universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within her, or the old laws will be expanded and interpreted in her favor in a more literal sense;
and she will live with the license of a higher order of beings.
Here are some of the higher beings I’ve been immersing myself in lately:
Some Species Eat Their Young - A hilarious blog by a FUNNY dad
Intranaut – Zen insights here in Flagstaff
Caroline Myss – a medical intuitive with a lot of wisdom
An incredible story “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” by Rebeca Skloot
and, fantasizing about moving to an intentional community – so many to choose from!!