feeling sooo unspiritual…

the last two days, of PMS, sleepless and newly crawling baby, forgetful but well-meaning 11 year old, and not much else….has made me want to smash things.  Why do my spiritual tools fly out the damn window when the going gets rough?  I mean, it doesn’t always, just when I seem to be triggered in an instant and have only had 4 hours of sleep!

I am seriously considering doing part time childcare for my littlest one because I just can’t find sanity right now.  I feel so guilty about it. I feel like I’m such a loser, like, “women have been doing all this, and MORE, for thousands of years and after 7 1/2 months I can’t take it!”

I also had the though that maybe I don’t feel connected to this community/town because I’m projecting my newly-surfaced feelings about my bio-father onto it?  Or, maybe I am a person who just needs a lot of people around them, not the isolation of stay-at-home momhood?

Well, gotta go, baby just took a 24 minute nap – enough time for me to fix my hair, and write this…I should be grateful!!!

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