Motherhood is as Motherhood doesPosted: February 8, 2011 | |
“Believing that you have all the answers is delusional. Motherhood teaches this well.”
I love Maezen’s take on this whole ‘Tiger Mother’ buzz in the world right now. Essentially she says, “Comparing our kids to one another is the most juvenile thing we grown ups can do.”
I have a huge amount of doubt (as many parents do) that the way I parent is adequate. But adequate for what? and for whom?
I feed, clothe, and water my kids. I feed their curiosity as much as I can. I attempt to instill good habits, kind thinking, and creative hearts. These are generalities, I know, but the details seem to work themselves out each day. For me, parenting happens in the moment. Not so much the times when I think, “I should do use A, B or C method”….but the moment I use A, B or C in my contact with my kids.
How will I know if I’ve parented adequately? That is where I stumble into doubt. Do I really need to wait till one of my sons, in his 30’s, comes home from a counseling session and calls me up to tell me I; a) did something horribly wrong, or b) something great? Or can I trust my feeling in the moment that what I’m doing and how I’m being with them is ok? I don’t expect perfection from them, so why do I try to hold myself to that impossibility?
Here is an excerpt from Time Magazine about the Tiger Mother:
Though Chua was born and raised in the U.S., her invocation of what she describes as traditional “Chinese parenting” has hit hard at a national sore spot: our fears about losing ground to China and other rising powers and about adequately preparing our children to survive in the global economy. Her stories of never accepting a grade lower than an A, of insisting on hours of math and spelling drills and piano and violin practice each day (weekends and vacations included), of not allowing playdates or sleepovers or television or computer games or even school plays, for goodness’ sake, have left many readers outraged but also defensive. The tiger mother’s cubs are being raised to rule the world, the book clearly implies, while the offspring of “weak-willed,” “indulgent” Westerners are growing up ill equipped to compete in a fierce global marketplace.
Competing in a Global Marketplace. While I know that is a part of human reality right now, I do believe, where a person is, at any moment, is more important than a global anything. I want my children to compete in the moment of where they are, to have tools available to them that will allow their heart and heads to think and feel clearly and to make decisions based on love, creativity and frankly, spunk….you know, that spark of curiosity that fuels inventors, musicians, artists, and the like. To foster that spark even in the face of an impending takeover by China, is where I want to parent from. Love triumphs always, this I know. So I say, love your kids, however you do it, and make sure you show that you love them. What else is there?