The reward of being in the moment II

During my attempt to VBAC (have a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) in March of this year I thought the reward of being in the moment would be natural childbirth – the reward turned out to be the amazing process of birth….the sense of being in the moment for thirty hours, one contraction after another.  The fact that my body was unable/unwilling to allow natural childbirth to happen is truly an afterthought, because I didn’t run from the pain, the frustration, the not-knowing-what-would-happen.  I had released my attachment to the outcome.

That being said, I still cry at night, frequently. I wanted that experience so much. My husband and I had focused on it almost exclusively for months.  Like preparing for the Olympics and tripping 5 feet before the finish line.  I tripped, my body tripped. I’m still tripping.

But, I have this: